by Sarah Paris
Note: This article was written in 2001 and was originally published in a German-language serial version in the Austrian online newspaper Die Standard. With the exception of scholar Maxine Hanks, all of the women interviewed for this article requested that their names not be used.
The Olympic Games have turned the world's spotlight on Salt Lake City, illuminating more than just a high desert ski paradise. Salt Lake City was meant to be Zion, the earthly mirror of a heavenly ideal. A heaven, it must be noted, that is reserved for the Chosen, for the members of the Christ of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (LDS), more commonly known as Mormons.
About 50% of Salt Lake City's population is Mormon, at least on the books. The statewide figure is somewhere between 60-70%, much higher in cities such as Orem and Provo, the latter the seat of Brigham Young University.
Worldwide, it is estimated that the church has around 11 million members, though some critics assert that this number is exaggerated. Even so, with assets in the area of $30 billion, the church is a significant economic and political powerbase. Comparisons with the Vatican are evident, not just because of the church's stronghold, but also because this power belongs first and foremost to the male members of the church.
Women are not represented among the church leadership. Their influence is restricted to the Women's Relief Society, a benevolent organization. Though it is believed to be one of the largest women's organizations in the world, the Relief Society lost a great deal of its original independence in recent decades, and its female leadership is subject to the male hierarchy above. The church leaders assert that women are equal to men, yet predestined for a different role.
"By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children." (Quote from the official website of the church, www.lds.org)
For women who do not identify with the role of mother, there is little room to maneuver in this system.
What is fascinating about mainstream Mormonism is the contrast between a belief system that seems archaic and the real lives of modern Latter Day Saints – especially the LDS women. I have yet to meet a Mormon woman who fits the cliché of the subservient Stepford wife. Many "typical Mormon women" have a wicked sense of humor. Like my friend D.
"I'm so republican, it's a good thing I'm left-handed, otherwise I couldn't walk straight", she declares.
Yet this conservative woman is close friends with a number of gay men, not to mention left-leaning feminists such a myself. As a kid she wrote fan letters to Richard Nixon and to Queen lead singer Freddy Mercury. One might credit her California upbringing, but I've met Mormons raised in Idaho with a similar outlook and cheerful lack of discrimination.
Seven years ago, D. and her husband moved with their three young boys to Salt Lake City. Now we see each other again for the first time, arriving at the airport. It is a bright November day, a light dusting of snow tips the Wasatch mountains to the East. D. introduces us to her friend C., whose mellow voice speaks of her upbringing in the American South. The pair will be our unofficial guides on our quest to find the "Modern Mormon Woman."
We start at Temple Square, the place around which the city literally revolves. SLC addresses such as "361 North 300 West" are simply coordinates referring to how many blocks North and West from the Temple a place is located. The system of straight lines and little box-sized lots with the Temple in the center was devised by city father Brigham Young. It is really quite practical, once you get used to it. You always know how far you've strayed from the church.
Point Zero, the only place that cannot be defined with coordinates and has literally no address, is the Temple itself. It is an imposing edifice, adorned with Masonic symbols and the angel Moroni gleaming golden on its tower. The SLC Temple is main attraction for tourists and Mormons from all over the world. To get married here is something many young Mormon women dream about. As we look on, one bride in white emerges on the arm of her betrothed. Click, click, the cameras. Two minutes later, another bride and groom come out. Click, click, click. The event repeats itself, until about a dozen young brides are standing in front of the Temple, each a white little puff surrounded by the black-clad figures of groom and immediate family. Up to 14 marriages can be "sealed" simultaneously in this Temple, in separate rooms. This esoteric ritual, once strictly secret, has been revealed repeatedly on the Internet (the site www.lds-mormon.com being one of the more balanced sources.)
The Mormon religion was founded by Prophet Joseph Smith whose "Book of Mormon" laid the foundation of the church. The early history of Utah, on the other hand, was dominated by his friend Brigham Young. Without Young's pragmatic genius, the Mormons might still be a odd little sect stuck in Illinois. It was Brigham Young who guided the first believers between 1846 to 1848 into the "promised land". Many were on foot. In the museum adjacent Temple Square, you can see the handcarts that were pushed by pilgrim women hundreds of miles across the prairie, a feat that boggles the modern mind.
"Imagine!"
"With half a dozen kids!"
"And not an aspirin in sight!"
Our admiration for the courage of the pioneer women is unanimous; our opinions about Brigham Young remain unspoken.
This often-quoted call to arms by LDS Chief Apostle Boyd Packer were not his actual words, but the essence of a speech he made in 1993. It was the beginning of a backlash against those who dared to question official LDS doctrine.
One of the dissenters was Maxine Hanks, a feminist theologian, who among other transgressions dared to write about a feminine God, the "Heavenly Mother" acknowledged but not openly discussed within the LDS Church. Along with five other feminists and scholars, or the "September Six" as they were called, Maxine Hanks was excommunicated later that same year.
Today she arrives with her cheeks flushed to match her bright red jacket. We had decided to meet in front of the Temple. Actual access to it is barred to non-members and to heretics by an iron fence whose gates are closed now that the wedding parties have disbursed. These gates were once wide open for Maxine Hanks, who comes from a old Mormon pioneer family. In this very Temple, she was "endowed" to be a missionary. The doubts came after she had finished her mission.
"I felt that I had to resist the pressure of marriage and children for the right to figure out who I was , first. As a woman, your identity and role are already defined for you by the Church. I call it 'compulsory motherhood'. While motherhood itself is wonderful, compulsory motherhood is just wrong."
A young man dressed like a missionary, standing on the other side of the iron gate, eyes us suspiciously and mumbles into his walkie-talkie. We decide to move our interview to the Visitor's Center, where we are confronted with a life-size statue of Brigham Young. A red button will get him to talk. We decide not to push it.
"The feminine is so repressed or denied in the religion, this comes out in other ways, unhealthy ways, especially in women's lives," Maxine tells us as we sit in a corner and contemplate the Temple through the windows. "I'm a classic example. As a teenager, I was anorexic; then, as a student at Brigham Young University, I became bulimic. The hostility to women is very subtle but intense. You start feeling bad about yourself, then you start thwarting or abusing yourself."
Utah happens to be famous for its large consumption of Jell-O; it is also believed that the state has one of the highest rates of consumption of anti-depressants.
"I resisted conformity, yet I still disliked myself," Maxine reveals. "Then I had an epiphany, a very powerful experience that let me know that God loves me and that as long as I was a good person with integrity, God would not look down on me-- even if I chose to not get married. This sounds like a simple thing, but for a Mormon woman, it was a giant step. When you have the whole history and culture of the church sitting on top of you, to throw all of that off and be who you are, that is huge for a Mormon woman. Only a tiny percentage of Mormon women are able to grasp this in their twenties. Most come to it later, if at all, in their 40's or 50's or 60's, after encountering tremendous disillusionment and suffering."
D. and C., who had left us for the interview, reappear and exchange polite small talk with Maxine, while eyeing the 'feminist' curiously. "She seems to be very nice", C. comments, as we leave Temple Square.
We drive to one of the older neighborhoods near the University. In a quiet street, we stop in front of a small house that belongs to Carol, an artist. Here, we meet a cross-section of modern Mormon women, mostly friends of C.'s, for an improvised party and Q&A. The youngest woman is 24, the oldest 90. They come from different backgrounds and educational levels, "but you will see that there is a lot of unity. We march to the beat of the same drum", C. explains. I write down the names as I get introduced and count them: Twelve, I note, like the Apostles.
Mormon women love to party. Mormon joke: "How many Mormon women does it take to screw in a light bulb? Six –one to screw in the light bulb, five to bring the refreshments." After some animated chatter over pumpkin cheese cake and non-alcoholic punch, we gather in a circle in the living room. The discussion starts with a subject raised by Maxine Hanks: obligatory motherhood.
The youngest woman in the circle is T., C.'s daughter, twenty-four and single. "In our home, I've always felt that I had the freedom to do what I wanted to do", she states. "I served a mission. This was a big decision for me. You have to leave school and put everything on hold for 18 months. So now I feel a little behind. I'm not married, and most of my friends are."
Her cousin S. married when she was twenty-two. She doesn't think this unusual. "Most women, whether Mormon or not, think about getting married when they are in their twenties". S. waited five years before having a child. "Sure, people talked to us about kids, but to me that was just talk. I wasn't ready to have a baby yet. I wanted to enjoy life with my husband first."
T. and S. seem quite comfortable talking about themselves and their ideas and beliefs. R., who came to the US three years ago from the Philippines, appears terribly shy in contrast. She speaks hesitantly, yet with a quiet determination to get out her message.
"We are never forced to do anything. You always feel loved, you feel like you belong, married or single. I don't feel pressured, even though I'm 34 and single." Now her voice falters, and she breaks into tears. "They love you for what you are, that's the beauty of the church, of the Gospel!"
The other women nod. But the solemn mood turns soon to laughter, as they react to my questions about the image of the all-powerful macho Mormon man. M., a flaming redhead, isn't the only one who has strong opinions on the subject: "My husband is not a Mormon – he's Catholic – and he's just as chauvinistic as the next male! It's a historical truth that men like control. This is not unique to Mormonism or really any religion. "
The women all agree that the blindly obedient Mormon wife is a complete myth. "It's the women after all who carry the responsibility. We are the givers of life."
Yet the priesthood is reserved for men. Most adult LDS-men are priests, even the young missionaries, but not their female colleagues. How did Tara, who just returned from her time as a missionary, feel about that?
"Being able to watch the young men give somebody a blessing for example, is really a neat thing. But I wouldn't want that for myself. We have just as much responsibilities as mothers."
Another woman, who teaches LDS doctrine, listens attentively to what the other women say, then comments from the position of church doctrine. She speaks quietly, yet the women hang on her every word.
"This may shock some of you", the teacher begins, "but actually, women really do hold the priesthood. When they marry, they enter into the order of the priesthood with their husband. The whole basis of our Gospel is that a man and a woman together can grow to be a Godhood, a God and Goddess together, both holding the priesthood.
Most women will agree that by nature women serve, they are more kind-hearted, more sensitive, tender. I look at the priesthood as an opportunity for men to become what they naturally aren't, to become better than they would be at their lowest common denominator. We don't look at this as power. Rather, we smile and say, see, they're learning how to serve."
The other women laugh in agreement. One of them musters up her courage and tells a personal story, asking that her name be kept off record.
"My husband had an affair eight years ago and eventually was excommunicated. My son was supposed to be baptized by him, but now my husband wasn't worthy. And I was so angry, because I – I was worthy! I just didn't feel this was fair!" She starts crying, but continues. "I wasn't mad at the church. I was mad at my husband, for not behaving himself. But if they had said we're going to bend the rule just for you and let you baptize your son – you know, I think, I would have done it!"
The others cheer and applaud. The talk shifts to the social connectedness among Mormons and how the tight structure of the church helps families weather difficult times. Indeed, the LDS church offers its members a support net that is unique among churches. Families who are in need are helped in countless ways, including by food donations from the "Bishop's storehouse", a tradition going back to pioneer times. This determination of the church members to be independent from the State and from the world outside prevails today.
This often appears as cliquishness to outsider. The women readily admit, that there is a need for LDS to be more open towards "non-members". Several among them talk about their personal friendships with Jews and Catholics. They admit knowing too little about other religions, but also wish that the outside world would learn more about them.
On leaving, the red-haired M. wags her finger at us: "I tell you one thing: Get over the Word of Wisdom, see past it and you'll get some good stuff."
Her remark refers to a part of Mormon doctrine that prohibits alcohol and coffee consumption, among other health prohibitions and recommendations. This seems to be the focus of far too much media attention and clichés, as far as LDS members are concerned. Truth is, it is easy enough nowadays for non-Mormons to get wine with dinner or even a drink at a bar, and there are certainly enough coffee shops in Salt Lake City to keep any javaholics wired.
One of those coffee houses happens to be the ground floor of the Gay and Lesbian Center. Here, on a quiet Sunday morning, as most mainstream Mormons get ready for church, we meet the "Lesbian Terrorists and Sewing Circle" for a kaffee klatsch. The "lesbian terrorist" presiding is B., the producer of a local radio show for gays and lesbians. The men present hover around the cappuccino machine and keep up a happy banter with the women.
"People think we get along so well because we have a common enemy, the Mormon church. That's not true. It's because of the church that we have a common language", comments B., as she hands us mugs of steaming chai tea.
"I was twelve when I found out about polygamy. They said that more women than men got into the top kingdom of heaven, because it was easier for women to get in there. Men that got in there had earned more rewards. So they would be rewarded additional wives. And I said, now wait a minute, it's going to be a real battle for me to get in there. Does that mean I am gonnna get awarded a bunch of wives?"
Big laughs all around. B. grins and exclaims: "Mormon women are so much fun! They are so varied, there is no way to fit them into little boxes. And they're beautiful! They discovered manipulative means of getting their way, and they don't even realize how they manipulate each other. Goodness, I love the Mormon women here, the way they survive in the culture, and not just survive, they thrive."
Gays and lesbians in Utah are in a similar "don't ask, don't tell" place as in the military. While forced marriage and electroshock therapy are evils of the past, they are tolerated only as long as they keep to themselves. The same goes for another group of outsiders, despite the fact that they are the ones most associated with the term "Mormon" by outsiders. In reality, most polygamists in Utah live hidden lives.
Polygamy, though originally very much a cornerstone of the Mormon religion, was declared illegal in 1890. Yet the practice is still tolerated, though officials have tried to crack down on blatant cases of child abuse. Officials estimate that there are 30,000 polygamists in Utah; critics believe the number is three times as much. Author and editor A., who prefers to label herself a Fundamentalist Mormon rather than a polygamist, believes that only a small number of those who share her beliefs actually practice the "Principle".
A.'s house in the foothills seems far away from Temple Square. The living room is conservatively furnished and filled with delicate porcelain shepherdesses and lace antimacassars, an odd contrast to the tall, powerful-looking women wearing a tracksuit. "It all belonged to my mother", she explains, a little embarrassed.
A. decided to go public to counter the media reports of child abuse and scandals among polygamists with positive examples. Together with two other women, she published a collection of personal experiences by women in 'plural marriages'.
"Very few people have been willing to come out and risk the church censorship, the ostracism, the risk of losing their jobs and of being evicted, just because of their lifestyle." Though A. is willing to be interviewed, she no longer consents to having her photograph taken.
"The media tends to focus on the black sheep. But those are the exceptions. Look, there are problems in every marriage. When two adults come together, they both have to adjust. In plural marriages, you just have to adjust a little more often, each time a wife comes in", she explains with a little smile that relaxes her stern features.
"True, our lifestyle isn't for everyone. But some of us are willing to pay the price, because we feel that eventually it will bring us the eternal reward that we desire. I compiled over 30 references where scripture or leaders of the church have said that in order to get to the highest degree of the celestial kingdom, living the principle of plural marriage is essential."
Having expected a house full of women and kids, we are a little puzzled by what seems to be a small home inhabited mostly by A. herself. "In our marriage, we women all live separately", she explains. "Younger wives usually prefer to live together, because of the children. That's a choice that the wives themselves should make. Wives really have a lot of freedom and choice if it's done right", she stresses, then amends, "if the husband does it right."
As a mainstream Mormon, D. is curious what A.'s position is to the church. "I am not out there trying to criticize the LDS church," A. responds, "they do so much good. I was raised LDS. I love the church. I am a second cousin to (former) President Benson. I graduated from BYU."
It turns out that both D. and A. were married in the Los Angeles Temple, decades apart.
"My first marriage ended in divorce," explains A. "He was abusive, and I could not raise my children in that situation. I have been married to my current husband in plural marriage for 32 years. I've been very happy, this is my kind of lifestyle. It's a very spiritual, sacred thing for me. It also provides me with the independence and freedom that I like, yet I have a good man. There are many parallels between a successful monogamous marriage and a successful plural marriage. Respect has to be part of it."
A. leads us to the basement and shows us bookshelves full of historical religious publications that she publishes together with her husband. "Most mainstream Mormons are not really aware of their own history. We presented a paper last year at a conference about the history of plural marriage. I can't tell you how many people came to us afterwards and told us: For the first time I understand why my great-grandmother chose to share a husband with three other wives."
She gives D. one of the publications to read. "I consider myself a feminist fundamentalist," she asserts. "I am for women's rights within plural marriage."
A.'s idealism stands in stark contrast not just to the well-documented abuse of women in some clans such as the Kingston group. What strikes me in Salt Lake City is the contrast between some of the lofty spiritual language of early Mormonism and the stark pragmatism of Brigham Young and his successors. Their hard work and legendary business sense have transformed the early vision of Zion into a paradise that seems equal parts American dream and American nightmare. The edifices around Temple Square are among the rare architectural highlights in a city dominated by tract houses and shopping centers. The roads are ruled by brand-new SUVs, green spaces are rare, and the almost exclusively white population doesn't add much hue to the bland picture. For a religion whose history and theology is colorful to the point of striking some as cultish, the outer image of its spiritual center looks dull and blatantly materialistic.
Back on Temple Square, in front of the legendary Mormon Tabernacle, we are waiting for one woman who has driven all the way from arch-conservative Orem to meet us. Once again, the meeting place has symbolic meaning. H. is a former member of the world-famous choir that is rehearsing inside at that moment.
H. is an elegant older lady with a charming smile that doesn't hide her nervousness. She keeps looking behind her. "When I was a singer, I was told, there isn't one inch of Temple Square that isn't surveyed 24 hours a day." She keeps questioning me about the slant of my article. In 1989, she appeared in a PBS documentary and made certain comments for which she was ostracized in her community, even by people she was friends with for fifty years.
H. could be the poster girl for traditional Mormon womanhood. She is the mother of 9 children, grandmother of 34 and great-grandmother of 19. For 17 years she was a singer and soloist in the Tabernacle Choir. When the choir performed at the inauguration of Ronald Reagan, a feminist scholar approached her. The encounter led H. to certain books hidden in a locked closet at the BYU library, and she embarked on a journey into Women's Studies. She became politically active and tried to run for the Utah State Legislature three times before realizing that, as she puts it, "even God HERSELF could not be elected as a Democrat in Utah County!"
H. and her husband had recently returned from teaching English in China for one year. Our talk veers from women to polygamy. "It's an anathema to civilized society, and yet, it is a tenet of faith of the Mormon church. It's very appealing to some men to be promised they will become Gods and reign in their own kingdom, create worlds of their own, have many wives, and many children."
The flow of visitors on this drizzly afternoon has trickled down to a few stragglers. The young missionary women in their ankle-length black skirts can't find enough "contacts" and keep coming back to us. We seek refuge behind a bronze slab.
"A psychologist at BYU stated some years ago that any society that establishes the male as the high authoritarian figure, the wife as submissive, and the daughter as obedient, automatically establishes a fertile field for incest. I worked for several years for the Attorney General, I know the statistics. One in three little girls in Utah and one in seven little boys are abused by a close family member."
We glance at the bronze relief next to us. It shows several women under the heading "Benevolence". H. explains that it celebrates the Women's Relief Society, the women's organization in the church that once had a certain amount of influence. "Before Joseph Fielding Smith became Prophet in 1970, he declared, 'we'll get rid of this petticoat power'. They dismantled the Relief Society. They took away our voice, our magazine, our building, they took away the budget that had been collected by the women themselves."
The light drizzle intensifies, and we retreat inside the Tabernacle, a place famous for its acoustic perfection. H.'s voice lowers to a whisper.
"Strangely enough, the Constitution of Utah granted Equal Rights to women in 1896 and stated that 'both male and female citizens of this state shall enjoy equally all civil, political and religious rights and privileges'. Utah women should challenge the prevalent practice of excluding them from full participation in the church. Because, let's face it, it's a theocracy. And you must understand, that from the birth of the Mormon church in New York in 1830, the premise was to establish the kingdom of God which would supersede all other nations in the world. Like Islam. They are growing as rapidly as they can to accomplish this mission. I think there are 60,000 missionaries throughout now throughout the world."
The choir is still standing on the stage on the far side of the room, and now they start singing. I get goose bumps, so pure is the sound in the room, so perfect the harmony of the voices. We listen in silence, H. with a proud smile. "The world the men have created for us is not good enough", she concludes. "I keep envisioning a world where women's hands are free to bless all – it would be magnificent, wouldn't it?"
In the evening, we return to D.'s house. The boys set the table for Sunday dinner, D.'s husband pulls the piping-hot lasagna out of the oven. No macho attitudes are in evidence. The boys make little jokes and seem relieved to have the three-hour Sunday service behind them. Before we eat, D. says a blessing and even lets us take a photograph of her, though the church isn't really keen on women giving blessings.
Mormon women are beautiful, and they can't be contained in little boxes. Not by Brigham Young, and not by curious visiting journalists.
Official website: www.lds.org
Independent website with a critical perspective: www.lds-mormon.com
Information about polygamy:
Pro: www.principlevoices.org
Anti: www.polygamy.org